I'm sitting here sweaty and exasperated after an ordeal riding my bike home. I was carrying my laptop on my back, my purse on my shoulder and my Bible on the handlebars of my bike wearing long (hot) jeans and a black (sticky) shirt. I was pretty worn-out from a long day at seminary for our last modular session. I just wanted to get there.
Nate and I wove our way through traffic, dodging VW bugs and public Jeepneys, all the while trying to avoid the potholes and bumps. At the turn we parted ways--he was off to play basketball at school and I was off to get groceries after dropping the baggage and bike at home.
Every time I ride alone I can see why they say women (especially "beautiful white" ones like me) need a chaperone. I honestly feel my stress-level increase significantly when he is not with me, and I get even more in the one-track mindset of just "getting there" in one piece.
The reason for the title of this blog is that I believe I know what it is like to be a movie star. When I am just minding my own business trying to get from here to there (like a typical American, right?), people call out to me, come up to me, hassle me and point me out, when all I want to do is be an anonomous woman among a crowd. Not so.
It is because I am #1 a foreigner, #2 a woman #3 white and therefore #4 beautiful. Truly, men on motorcycles drive up by me slowly, they greet me, call out to me, stop and stare at me; I hear them say "she's so beautiful", even little girls say that. I feel like there are so many comments calling to me and I am trying to huff and puff up the hill on my bike, cars are honking to pass by, people try to get my attention. It is exasperating.
Then as I was trying to change gears on the hill my chain got stuck, really stuck. I tried to fix it there on the road, but then I got even more attention there on the side of the road with my delimma. I had to sit on the curb and grease up my hands, flip my bike over to try and fix it myself. Of course a truck full of men pause to say "What happened?" or a motorcyclist honks and smiles as he passes. Oh, boy, I am so annoyed plain and simple.
What is the solution to this? Ride taxis? Get a car with tinted windows? Cover my skin? Do I spiritualize it and think "Hey, I can reach out to all these people?" When Nate is there we have no problem because he is a man and can greet all the men we pass. He has such a great way with situations that I think are stressful--he thinks they are exciting. When I am with him I feel excitement in the obstacles too. But when he is not there I feel so American and rude and introverted and anti-social.
In the U.S. I can walk around and no one will say hi to me, no one will greet me, no one will ask me for an autograph or money, no one will comment on how beautiful I am, no one will even notice me or care what I am doing. It is kind of sad actually, but we just go on with our business. But over here I am no longer just an anonomous person among a crowd--I get a lot of attention, and I really don't like it to tell you the truth.
I do feel much better now that I have stopped by the internet at the office to get this feeling out there in words. I just needed to express my stress, and now I feel so much better. Hopefully you don't feel tempted to judge me, but this is a free space where I can express the otherwise unpleasant aspects of being a beautiful foreigner in a far-off land. Now it is time to hail a taxi so I can get those groceries. Do you think I will make it home in one piece?
2 comments:
Deja vu!
I faced the same thing in Ghana Africa but to an even worse extent as I REALLY stuck out there. Former European colonies are especially bad as from the start the locals were indocrinated that whites were far more superior and beautiful, and I think that ideology still carries through, unfortunately. In Ghana, my team leaders would not let any white girl on the team go anywhere unacompanied, preferably by a male.
I tend to be paranoid about these things, and I don't know how safe things are where you are compared to Ghana, but I personally would not go anywhere outside of your school and home without an escort, male or female. Annoyances aside, the dangers are all too real, and as you stand out more than other women and are considered particularly attractive, I would be extremely cautious. Situations like your bike breaking down make you even more vulnerable, and even though God sometimes protects us, sometimes He does not, and I have heard enough stories of things happening to Christian women to make me practice safety bording on paranoia!
Now, listen to Laura's advice, my Sweet. Love, Mumsy
Post a Comment